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[Tuesday
September 1st] |
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mood |
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 ditzy |
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Haven't updated in awhile. So here we gooo! :D
Life has definitely gotten to be so much better. Like, it's unbelievably perfect.
Me and mom have been getting along so much better, and my dad's fucked off [:
Passed summer school! Made a bunch of new friends too. :D
( Read more... )
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[Tuesday
February 3rd] |
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mood |
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 rejected |
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So, Mathias broke up with me.
Can't say I didn't see it coming, but. fuck. i've been so depressed lately.
we're still friends, i guess. but i'm head over heels for this damn guy. and i want to cry everytime i see him.
makes it worse when i hug him and feel his hand brush mine.
this fucking sucks.
there's also a slight chance i'm fucking pregnant. i was afraid of telling mathias cause i didn't want him thinking i'm one of those insane chicks who'll say anything to keep a guy. but i told him, and luckily, he isn't hating me for it. he said he'd help get the pregnancy test and whatnot, but still. i just... fuck.
i tried commiting suicide after i put two-and-two together with the whole pregnancy shit. one person stopped me this time, and i still can't believe that they care about me. it's really fucking weird..
my teacher also noticed how different i've been lately, so he's been keeping a close eye on me. ahah. great. and i still have a few thin scabs on my wrists from last week, but i figured, hey, this isn't noticable. wearing a short sleeved shirt shouldn't be a problem.
wrong.
teacher saw it, and pulled me aside after class talking to me about shit. it's nice that he cares, but him calling my mom about it is just gonna make everything worse.
i feel so empty.
[EDIT] ahaha. i sound like such a depressed bitch. which is the last thing i've ever wanteddd. gldfkjgdfkl. fuck i gotta cheer up before i lose more people.
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[Friday
January 23rd] |
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mood |
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 stressed |
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music |
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You're gonna go far, Kid- The Offspring :] |
] |
Hmm. Today, mom actually wanted to spend time with me! Shocker!
She had a job interview over at Tower City today, so she woke me up around 10 and dragged me with her. It was my second time taking the train.. ahaha, i was so afraid. But, when the time came for her interview, she dropped me over at Caribou Coffee so I could hang with Jay. He works there, and you can't roam around Tower City when you're a minor.
I had a blast with him there :]
He got me A LOT of free food and coffee, haha. So I helped him out with his job a lil' bits. And when he got off work, he dragged me around Tower City. I met his friends, and realized how much of a lucky cunt Jay is. He gets so much free stuff! He knows everyone there. flgjkdfkl. ass.
Mom got off her interview, and she's pretty sure she got the job. =] Which makes me happy, since I ruined the last couple jobs for her.. but eh. She bought me and Jay books, and now we're back at the house.
Not exactly getting along with her, though.. I decided to talk to her about how she's making it hard for me to change, and she snapped at me. so lhjglhj. yeah..
I haven't been able to talk to Mathias today either. Which makes me really sad. :[ Talking to him is always the highlight of my day. I think he's really upset with me, though.. We talked last night, and he was angry about how I reacted about him leaving me up at the school. I hope he forgives me for that..
gdfgldkfjgkl. I'm tired of fucking up everything good in my life.
I just want to have the relationship with mom I used to have, when I lived at Lisa's. I miss her.
That, and I want me and Mathias not to have any problems.. He's such a good guy, and I don't really deserve someone this amazing.. I'm just dreading this summer. I don't think I'd be able to handle it.
Fuuuck. I'm horribly unlucky when it comes to relationships. >_
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| kjgfkdg. depressing post, needing to vent. BADLY. |
[Thursday
January 22nd] |
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mood |
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 nauseated |
] |
gahgahgah.
Phone's been taken away, as has everything else! I can't even watch TV!
Don't remember if I posted about this, but I broke up with John. I couldn't take his lying anymore.
&My good friend Mathias helped me out.
.. So I left John for him.
I'm horrible, I know.
I just wanna be happy, I guess.
Me and Mathias haven't even been dating for a month, but we've been through a lot of shit together already.
Nothing he's caused, of course. Just shit my insane mother does. glfjldkgj she called the cops on me the other day when i was at his house. lgjfdkgfg she's crazyy.
i'm kind of tired of my family. my brother's been a uncaring dick, my dad's just now trying to act like a father, and my mom's a retarddd. I seriously think she's snapped. I miss how close we used to be. I tried committing suicide one day when she marked me up pretty badly, but she caught me in the middle of it. ahaha. that ended bad..
I haven't even told Channa about that. glfkjgd. It feels nice to finally talk about it, although nobody's reading this. :C Ah well.
today kind of sucked ass too. Mathias promised me more kisses today, which i was looking forward to, but he forgot about that. D: And he told me he'd meet me after school today, and he didn't. So I walked home depressed and alone ahaha. I hate when people forget about me; it seems to happen a lot.
gfjkgkldfg. now i'm feeling realllyyy fucking lonely. I don't want to be here tonight. And I keep having random breakdowns.
I haven't felt this miserable since I was with John. Hum.
My eating disorder is back. Hooray. I don't want to eat anything. I can't. And if I do, I end up vomiting it out about 10-20 minutes later. Tim isn't involved in my life anymore, so I wonder what it is this time.
i don't think i can fake my happiness anymore. I really hope things start to look up.
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[Thursday
August 21st] |
oflgkgkdfg. Rambling time.
It's fucking official.
My boyfriend is perfect. :D
I've never, EVER laughed so hard when I'm with someone.
Never smiled so much when I daydream of anyone.
sljff. It's been a little bit since I've seen him, but he called me last night and everything was perfectly okay. :D We talked 'till like 5 am, had 50 billion compitions through the phone, and he constantly teased me on like everything I said.
Oh gawd, I'm smiling like a retard now.
slkgjdflgdkfg.
Just EVERYTHING about this guy, it's seriously perfect. Even his flaws. If that makes any sense. wtfever~
Gahh. Even his VOICE it's soo. Masculine[lmfao] but soo soft at the same fucking time. x'D It makes me melt everytime he says my name. slkgjfl;kg;dfglkl. STOP SMILINGGGGG EHEHEHE.
;D He has a hotass body as well. lawl.
ANYWAY. Something BESIDES Mattbuttface,
..
Chelsea's dead asleep. IT'S FOUR FUCKING PM HOEEE.
I feel like snapping a picture of her.
Then putting Spock's nuts on her face.
Oh god, she'd kill me.
GAGJDSHFKJSDHF.
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[Saturday
August 9th] |
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mood |
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 ecstatic |
] |
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music |
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George Lopez lawl. |
] |
lulz. I guess nobody bothers with me anymore. :D
Ah well, I took forever to update. -shrugs-
I'm still gonna post though. I need somewhere to vent.
( lawl. Relationshit problems. )
-dies- Anyway. I failed summer school. lulz Algebra I, here I come again.. fgkljdflg.
Today was actually a really weird day. Woke up early as hell to go to the dentist. :D I have no cavities~~
Lulz. Hygenist said I have "awesome teeth" lmfao. <3
2 HOURS IN A FUCKING CHAIR THOUGH. -dies-
Although it wasn't too bad. Matt was texting me the whole time. x]
Walked home after the dentist. Hung out with mom for abit, played video games. Texted Matt for about 99.9% of the day~
But like at around 6, mom flipped out and ran out the door without saying anything. So I was like, alright.. bye to you too mom D:
But like 15 minutes later, i got a call from a weird ass number. Picked up, turned out to be my brother.
He was in the hospital.
( lulz. depressing rant/spazzing over Matt )
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[Wednesday
July 9th] |
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mood |
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 uncomfortable |
] |
So I haven't updated in 50 weeks, eh? D:
I've been wanting to update LJ, but I guess I'm too lazy.
( errr )
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[Wednesday
July 18th] |
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mood |
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crushed |
] |
-sigh-
Yesterday was going great...
At least until mom came into the room.
She was crying non-stop, and I asked what was wrong..
She refused to tell me... And told me to stay in the room.
Of course, I didn't listen.
I mean. Wtf. My mom's practically having a break down. And she's going 'for a ride'? Wtff.
I thought it had something to do with my dad as usual..
But when she went outside, I hugged her and told her to just tell me..
I never would've expected that Jay would do such a thing.
Jay was supposed to be out with some kid named Drew, getting a job.
Instead, the cops busted the kid with a knife, and Jay with weed.
Goddamnit. He fucking promised me he would never have anything to do with drugs... He promised..
He knows I hate drug users. Anything that has to do with drugs..
That's not my brother..
It can't be..
I feel so let down.. I really do..
-sigh- I wonder what's going to happen when he goes to court..
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[Sunday
July 15th] |
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mood |
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disappointed |
] |
Okay.
So, I gave Tim all my passwords.
To LJ, MSN, Yahoo, Gaia&Myspace.
&I already know all of his.
I was testing him to see if I could actually trust what he says.
Because he said that if he gets my passwords, he wouldn't go through my mail without my permission.
AHAHA. WHAT A LIAR.
GOING THROUGH MY MAIL, READING IT&DELETING SHIT HE DOESN'T LIKE.
The fuckkk. =_=
I ask him about it, and he plays dumb.
As he always does.
I'm not stupid.
How the hell would I read messages, that I got today at around Noon, when I haven't gotten online until now?
He's the ONLY person who knows my password to Myspace.
I'm not mad about him reading my mail-I have nothing to hide.
But the thing is, he lied to me. Again. He's always doing it.
And I'm sick of it.
I can't trust him on anything.
It seems like he doesn't trust me either.
But oh well.
I give up.
Jay's the only person left who I can trust anymore.
-sigh- I'm feeling light-headed..
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[Thursday
July 12th] |
| [ |
mood |
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 frustrated |
] |
=|
I'm pissed.
Mostly because I'm working on my Myspace profile, and it's being an asshole.
ASSHOLE I SAY.
D: Add mee.
www.myspace.com/ayanekun
But yeah.
Tim told me he had wrote me another poem yesterday, and never got it to me.
&Now he says he didn't write it down blah blah.
Meh. He always gets my hopes up.
Oh well.
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[Tuesday
July 10th] |
| [ |
mood |
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 complacent |
] |
Geoff says:
my step dad just called and asked what i wanted from BK and I told him a big mac
ε»∂ιvιиιтy`ς cяєαтυяє«з says:
xD Wtf.
Geoff says:
lmao
Geoff says:
he was about to order it but i was laughing so hard that he realized that i was fucking with him
Ahaha. :D I love Geoffehhh.
[EDIT] D'x HE WON'T STOP!
Geoff says:
you know FIFA?
ε»∂ιvιиιтy`ς cяєαтυяє«з says:
.-.?
Geoff says:
...
Geoff says:
fifa
Geoff says:
like soccer
ε»∂ιvιиιтy`ς cяєαтυяє«з says:
D: Oh
Geoff says:
yeah
ε»∂ιvιиιтy`ς cяєαтυяє«з says:
Dur >-<
Geoff says:
so
ε»∂ιvιиιтy`ς cяєαтυяє«з says:
?
Geoff says:
I was talking to my friend
Geoff says:
and we're like
Geoff says:
wtf does it stand for anyway
Geoff says:
so I decided it means Fuckin In Frantic Aggression :]
ε»∂ιvιиιтy`ς cяєαтυяє«з says:
xDDD AHahaha
Geoff says:
angry sex! =D
ε»∂ιvιиιтy`ς cяєαтυяє«з says:
Lmfao xDDDD
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[Monday
July 9th] |
| [ |
mood |
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crazy |
] |
Saw Transformers.
:D MOTHER FUCKING AWESOME FUCKING SHIT MAN.
FUCK YES.
I'M FUCKING GONNA GO FUCKING SEE THAT FUCKING SHIT A-FUCKING-GAIN. THIS FUCKING TIME WITH FUCKING BRANNDON.
FUCK YEAHHHHHH.
Ahaha. :D I love it.
FUCKER.
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fr0steh's journal
